Can You feel The Love? I am totally feeling the love this weekend, AKA- I had an ego stroke of a weekend. The whole she bang was kicked off by my big brother's bestest (and hottest) friend writing this about me. I love ya Pips, you rock.

Then my Heterosexual life partner did something she hates to do all for me- She made me this:

Isn't she the best? I love her, and her cake was delectable.

Then it was Haloween Time, and we soooo felt the love all over Fort Worth and all through our block party escapades.


And we met some lovely new friends with fabulous skin- I don't know their names, but lets all take a moment to admire their skin. It is amazing what is so entertaining to you when you are drunk...


And here is the only "straight" boy at the Cedar Springs block party.

I am not convinced he is straight, not even a little bit. But I told Scott Whalen that I would have something tall and strong for him, and I was working with a limited crowd... So work with me. I am taking votes on whether gay straight boy is gay or straight- feel free to weigh in... Whatever the outcome, he served his purpose by buying me a beverage.
***Update- He called Me AND June last night- #1: Probably should not have shared mine and her phone number, but drunk is drunk. #2: Who the hell calls the day after you meet them? I know I have been out of the dating scene for a while, but what happened to the childish games? #3: When would it be an appropriate time to say "Thanks for the drink, but I am still sort of married, no need to call."??? Oh, so many questions.

There are more pictures to follow- I hope you all had as lovely of a haloween as we did! Hugs and Love!!!  ¶ 11:34 PM 5 comments

  Feeling the Love Part II
Our Escorts for the Evening: Me, June, Mark, Michael, and Dusty


Lots of Firemen, and their hoses!


Homo Depot, I am sorry that our camera man didn't get a full shot- because his tools were out and about!


Cher! Follow This you Bitches!!!


The Red Hat Society- We thought they were lovely!  ¶ 1:22 PM 1 comments

  Gum Anyone? A promise is a promise, and here is the payment on the promise I made...

Presenting the Double Mint Twins:



We took our costumees out for a Test Drive last night! And we Love them!!!!!!! Look out Cedar Springs, here we come!



So there we are, aren't we cute? I know, I know, blonde really is not our color!  ¶ 8:45 AM 2 comments

  Sweet Release Something has been weighing at me...

Something has been eating me alive...

I fixed that something last night with a little case of verbal vomit.

BLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!

All over the person who had been weighing at me, the person who has been eating me alive, and not in a good way.

And I am fixed. So fixed that I didn't go to Switzerland this morning, so fixed that I just stayed in bed and slept until 10:20 AM. It was the first day that I have slept well in days.

I love the feeling of verbal vomit. It is orgasmic.

I feel good, Soooo Damn Good.  ¶ 10:29 AM 1 comments

  Who is up for a probe today? For this little rendition of my life, I must preface this story with the fact that I rarely ever do only one thing at a time- I am usually working on my laptop, watching television, and talking on the phone all at the same time. It is my finding that the more stimulated I am, the better the work I produce is. The downfall is that I never really know what is on tv, and I never really know what the other person on the other line is talking about. But I find that combining these activities makes it very easy for me to do other important things such as sleeping for nine hours every day, playing my Super Nintendo, and completing my Betty F. Crocker activities.

I woke up this morning, and I was laying there in my usual state of 'my body is awake but my brain is still asleep,' all cuddly and warm wrapped up like a burrito. The television was on in the background- and the first thing I heard and processed this morning was "Save the world with Morgan Freeman- or get probed trying"

In my half asleep state, I became very alarmed- I mean, honestly, I don't know Morgan Freeman personally, and I am not interested in getting probed today. I jump out of bed, half confused and half alarmed, arms flailing like a school girl, looking for something appropriate to wear to save the world.... And then it hit me. I realize that this was not the voice of god, my mother, or anyone important- but it was the voice of the announcer on TBS.

Damn, I hate it when that happens.  ¶ 9:00 AM 5 comments

  Daddies Sometimes, I get a upset about my estranged husband and this whole situation- the situation I have no control over, that I feel like I am drowning in... The situation that I had allowed to creep up in my lifelong plans, and has to go away- for the greater good of me.

And then I remembered something.

I still have my Daddy. My Daddy is the best. He is a big tall man who resembles Santa Claus, sans the beard. He has this deep voice that intimidates the hell out of everyone that doesn't know him, but when you look at his face, he has a twinkle in his eye and shiny salt and pepper hair, now it is salt more than pepper...

Ever since birth, I have been the epitomy of a 'Daddy's Girl'- we would go shopping together, we would have lunch together, we would watch TV together, he would take me to work with him, he would even paint my nails for me....

When he went on business trips, he would always come home with baby dolls and teddy bears from Europe... I remember one time he brought home English lavendar, and his whole suitcase had this pungent aroma of it. Even still, when I smell that smell, it smells like 'Daddy coming home.'

When I got married, I couldn't bring myself to change my last name. I don't know why, maybe a little bit because it was my identity, a little bit because that would mean I wasn't my Daddy's girl anymore. It wouldn't have changed the way he thought of me, but still, it really bothered me. Whatever the reason, I never did it.

He has always been my biggest supporter, never really opposed any of my "big decisions" he just let me go, and was standing close by to make sure I didn't hurt myself if I fell. He was always there to yell at the people who were treating me unfairly. He is always right there. All because he is my Daddy.

Maybe I am too old to still be a Daddy's girl, maybe I think too highly of him, maybe a lot of things. But I know one thing for sure, and that is that My Daddy is always nothing but the best, even if he isn't perfect, he is the best that he can be...

Because he is my Daddy.  ¶ 8:21 AM 5 comments

  Strange, Odd, Exotic, Unusual. I have never claimed to be the picture of normalcy. I have never been in any category of 'that' girl. My friends are unlike me, my activities contradict one another, and I like it that way.

But last night, my activities took the cake. I have stayed with June "The Bitch" Cleaver for the past few evenings, as she is house sitting her parents bungalow... We went shopping and came home to try on our new finds (Because the mall mirrors lie to you) and when that was over, we did the unthinkable... We were walking around in stilettos, accessories, and bras and panties. Wine glasses in one hand, an obscene amount of bracelets on the other... It was then deemed 'time to wax.' So the wax pot came out, heated up, and we waxed our brows. We then teetered into the living room and watched Cindarella.

I don't know why, but I grew to despise that movie last night. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was the Nyquil, or maybe it was the wine AND the Nyquil... But that movie is HIDEOUS- Cindarella does not stand up for herself at all- she should have shown those evil stepsister's who was boss...

Number two, the movie is sponsored by ESPN, they have little clips of sports Cindarella stories at the end... IF I am going to watch a girly movie with girly girls, and girly mice, and a girly godmother, I do NOT want to see ESPN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And for my final problem, They have two songs on there, one entitled 'Every Girl can Be a Princess.' Is that so? Because I wanted to be a princess, complete with a castle, a prince charming, and of course my medical degree (I wanted to be a progressive princess)... But here I am, still in college, without a medical degree, separated from my Un- Prince charming, I live in my parents castle, and I certainly don't think my Honda Accord qualifies as a carriage... Not that I am complaining, I actually love my life, I love the people in my life, and I am quite happy. But, if I had really thought every girl could be a princess, I would probably be committed to the North Texas State Hospital by now.

I move that Walt Disney creates an accurate depiction of life, in which real shit happens, but the princess still lives happily ever after. That would make me smile.  ¶ 9:34 AM 3 comments

  SHeeeeessss older than meeeeeeee!!! Not that it matters now, but I will love that when we are turning 80. It was June "The Bitch" Cleaver's birthday on Saturday-- And since it is our last year to check the 18-24 age box, we had to act like we belonged in that age box... Good times, good times.

So off to Dallas I trotted with her cake castle in tow... Yes, I made her a cake castle from scratch, complete with five towers, flags, pink and purple adornments, and cream cheese frosting. It was hilarious, and if I could figure out how to get the damn picture from my cell phone to the computer, I would.

Unfortunately, during the transport a Hurricane came through my vehicle and damaged tower number five, leaving the reminents on my floorboard. Do you think FEMA will help clean that up?

For her birthday present, I got her a brown Adrienne Vittadini clutch, and it is perfection. I heart it. And I will borrow it.

We went to Al Amir for dinner and a hookah... I always feel like I am living in Alice in Wonderland land when I smoke a hookah... I think if it were more convenient, I would give up the cigarettes and smoke a hookah. But that is just not a car activity. The mere thought of it makes me giggle.

Then it was off to Service Bar and Zephyrs for a little drunken rowdiness...
We got asked to be models (AKA bar sluts that stand on the bar and let crowds cheer for them to win money)I rudely declined. Politeness was not necessary for that kind of vulgar stupidity. So drunk we were, and fun we had...

Sunday was consumed by a massive splitting headache, work, Desperate Housewives, and Gray's Anatomy.

So Happy Birthday June.  ¶ 1:24 PM 0 comments

  It is vocabulary time!!!!!!!! Asshat:
1.One who has their head up their ass. Thus wearing their ass as a hat. Asshat
Source: anonymous, Oct 11, 2002
2.A person, of either gender, whose behavior displays such ignorance/obnoxiousness that you would like to make them wear their own ass as a hat.

Ya'all go check out the Urban Dictionary,it is highly entertaining and amusing!

And on another note:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JUNE "THE BITCH" CLEAVER!

I luxembourg you.  ¶ 3:33 PM 0 comments

  "Don't FUCK with the Babysitter!!!" Ahhh. How I love the movie Adventures in Babysitting... I love everything about it, and if you have not seen it you should queue it up on your Blockbuster Online Account...

Speaking of Blockbuster Online and Adventures in Babysitting, SOMEONE (no names will be mentioned) broke into my Blockbuster Online Account, clicked the 'forgot your password' button, broke into my E-Mail account to be able to change the password, reset the password, changed the movies in my queue, and forgot to sign out. Don't worry- I repayed the little felon by changing the movie selections yet again to wonderfully glorious movies from the eighties that have high estrogen content. I also spent the majority of my evenings changing my passwords on all of my accounts to something that even the stealthiest criminal would not guess. Like I said, "Don't FUCK with the Babysitter."

On another note, I have survived another day of the Avian Flu, but I still suffer from what I believe are the symptoms... And to answer Scott Whalen's question about my final fashion statement, I would like for it to be in Crimson Red- Not orangy Red. Ya'all go read his blog, he is seriously amusing.

On my final note for the morning, or evening, or whatever, It is June "the bitch" Cleaver's birthday tomorrow, and due to a series of HIDEOUS birthday's since her twenty first, we are going to keep this one low key. Dinner at Al Amir with a hooka and some belly dancing, and drinks at Service Bar to follow. (I got her a fabooooo something that we will discuss on Monday, I am secretly hoping she hates it so I can keep it....) A little drunkenness may just kill the germies that are floating in my body... Yes, Yes. I think a shot of Goldschlaggers may just kill the Avian Flu.

Why didn't I think of this earlier?  ¶ 9:37 AM 4 comments

  Don't Cry for Me I have some news,

I am dying of the Avian Flu.

How have I come to this realization you ask? Well, simple. I was reading the Sunday News Paper, and there it was- smack on the front page of the Fort Worth Star Telegram.

I will give you a shortened Readers Digest version of the article: Basically in Asia and Europe, birds are dying and getting sick, not necessarily in that order. It is the beilief of some scientist that a human with a common cold can pick up 'The Avian Flu' and it will morph into some form of a super virus- possibly spreading and killing tens of thousands of humans. After all, the article says that the world is due for a 'Pandemic.'

On Monday, my head got stuffy. Then the phlegm set in... Now I am sick, and I feel that I may be the person that is responsible for morphing the Avian Flu in to a homosapien virus. My appologies.

I would like to take this moment to leave my will and testament.

I would like to leave my extensive expensive purse collection, my Smoky Topaz Skating pond necklace, and all of my shoes to my Heterosexual Life Partner- she will dole my prized possessions out as she sees fit. So be nice to her. I would like to leave the deeds to all of my student loans and all of my debt to the person I despise the most, I will be deciding who this is at a later date, so be nice to me too. May whomever gets stuck with this rot in hell.

As for all of my corture, I would like for an auction to be held, and all of the money raised will go toward buying a designer ballgown for my final fashion statement. I was going to start a Ms. S'Ghetti scholarship fund, but honestly, I think I would enjoy a ballgown more.

As I write this, I am hopped up on allergy medicine, and I feel a nap coming on- Please know that I am being a hypochondriac, and the likelyhood of you hearing from me tomorrow is very high... I am certain that I can be the one to beat the Avian Flu.  ¶ 11:31 AM 3 comments

  ASS HAT!!!!! I have read this lovely new word on some of the blogs that I read- I have no idea of it's origins... I did not like it at first- But I have had a change of heart...

I, Ms. S'Ghetti, love the word ASS HAT!

It is so explanatory of so very many things...

My boss held a staff meeting this evening, in which we did someone elses work- What do I think of my boss? ASS HAT!

My friend decided to give me attitude: What do I think? ASS HAT!

I am feeling irritable today, what am I? An ASS HAT!!!!!!

What is everything? ASS HAT-ish!

It is so lovely to say, and you can say it so many ways, You can pretend to be the aflack duck, but insert "asshat" (Try it, you will love it!) You can say it in a high pitched princess tone: AAAASSSSSS HAAAAATTTT! You can say it with conviction ASS HAT!!!!!!

Oh how I love the word ass hat. Lets all have an internet chant: Say it with me A-S-S-H-A-T!!!! C'mon, louder!
A-S-S-H-A-T!!!!

Ass Hat Ass Hat Ass Hat!!!!!!!!!
So what is ya'alls favorite word?  ¶ 12:02 AM 2 comments

  Hello Pot? This is Kettle. You're black. One of my ultimate irritants is hypocrites. We all do it sometimes, whether we are ready and willing to admit to it or not, it happens. Still, I find it highly entertaining.

My Brother is part human, part cat. He spends his day taking cat naps. On an average day, I would venture to guess he takes at least three. May the force be with you if you dare to wake him up. He will open up a can of family sized whoop ass on you. That goes for if he is merely considering taking a nap or if he is in slumber land. If you are really audacious and decide to disturb his night time slumber, he has been known to wake up swinging. Needless to say, we let him sleep.

That being said, let me send a message to bigbro right this instant: We leave you alone, Leave us alone when we are sleeping!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not a napper for the most part, and I am mostly OK to wake up- unless sleeping pills or allergy pills are involved. Last night, I took some allergy medicine before hitting the sheets, and at 3 AM, my brother comes knocking on my door. I went apeshit, said some rude profanitys, and did not really elude to the fact that I did not want to discuss ANYTHING at the moment.

Being that I was so rudely awakened from my slumber in the wee hours of the morning, I decided to come home from class and take a nap. Guess who came into my room to chat? Yeah, bigbro. When I sweetly let him know that I didn't want to hold a conversation with anyone but the dinosaur that I was dreaming about, He got Pissy!!!!!!!! HE, the King of sleep, was annoyed!!!

And made this remark before rudely SLAMMING the door, "*huff* You are always asleep!"

Ummmm... Yeah, I am always asleep at 3AM, I really have no desire to see what night looks like then, I have seen it before, but I can assure you that I don't need to see it today.... And If I want to take a nap, in the privacy of my own room in the middle of the day I will do that too!

Bro, I love you- but in the words of Donald Trump- you are fired.  ¶ 11:19 PM 2 comments

  June Cleaver: A Series of Unfortunate Events. As I said yesterday:

Straight Men Suck.

June "The Bitch" Cleaver went on a date today, with a boy whom we will call Horhay Luise Dope-ila.

Flaw number one: She had to pick him up because he drives a 1978 Pinto.

Flaw number two: He took her to see a heinous play. During the heinous play, he made two phonecalls to check the score of the Cowboys game.

Flaw number three: He said he was going to cook her a magnificent dinner, when they returned from the play, he asked HER to do the prep work.

Flaw number four: Dinner sucked. It was salty fake filet mignon, undercooked boxed scalloped potatoes, and green beans that she had to clean and snap. He then placed a bite of fake steak in his mouth, threw his hands in the air, and triumphed over his own culinary achievement.

Flaw number five: While they ate dinner, his roomie and his roomies girlfriend were passed out on the couch in the living room due to the copius amounts of alcohol and cannabis that they had previously ingested.

And for the icing on the cake.... Drumroll please:

They stepped outside for a post dinner cigarette, and he recieved a phone call- then two sets of people come over, and he proceeds to sell them drugs... In the middle of their date.

Needless to say, June has given up men and taken up Jack- Daniels that is.  ¶ 9:53 PM 2 comments

  Straight Men suck.... The title says it all...

Straight Men Suck...

I hate them all, unless they are blood relatives of mine, or close enough to be blood relatives.

I could go on and on and on and on and on....

But I wont.

I will save you all from this hideous man rant of a bashing and just say that I think life would be so much easier if I was a lesbinem... too bad girls don't do it for me.

But I will leave you with this, why is it that gay men are so lovely and understanding and nice and all in all blissful (I know all of them do not fall into this category, but many do)

Explain this to me....

****Editor's Note: June "the bitch" Cleaver says I must say why this rant was so necessary... Last night, I was at the bar. I was sitting there with my Jack and I was ever so content... All of a sudden, a prick-of-a-man comes up, takes a seat next to me, puts his arm around me, and says "Why don't we get naked and roll around in a ball together?" Mother Fucker. So I was forced to open up a can of whoop ass on him.... I said "Get up, Get out of my booth, Do not pass go- Do not collect $200. Leave- and there is no need to return." But Oh my god! Who Thought that was a good pick up line?!?!?!?!  ¶ 12:12 AM 2 comments

  Guess What?!??!? Less than One Month until my birthday- and to give everyone visuals of all of the things I want and need, here you go:







Yep, that is pretty self explanitory... The jewelry comes from Tiffany's and I could always use more Jack Daniels and Diet Coke.  ¶ 12:04 AM 5 comments

  All is fair in Love and Baseball... My favorite Jew Yorker and I got into an argument yesterday...

Over what? Yeah, baseball.

We agree on virtually nothing, but we don't really argue about it- more so we laugh about it. This includes all of the hot topics- religion, politics, life...

Yesterday, it was discovered that we have a large clash on the topic of baseball. She loves the Yankees- I love theBoston Red Sox. I know, I know, they are both out of the playoffs- so this should not be an issue....

But it was, she was talking about The Astros, I said "I am sad that the Bosox lost..."

What did she do?!?!?!?

She cursed me! She fricking cursed me! She said "I hope you get mosquito bites all over your body and in places that you cannot itch or are too obscene to itch! I curse you!" (I am pretty certain that if I had been standing in front of her rather than on the phone, she would have followed her curse with spitting in my face)

I laughed and merrily went on my way...

Last night, I was sitting outside when it happened.

A swarm of killer mosquitos engulfed me, sucked my blood, and swarmed on to their next victim.

Ok... Maybe not a swarm, but I definately have more than one bite...

And one of them is on my ass!!!!!!!

HER CURSE WORKED!

So, if any of you know how to place curses on others, I need to return her favor. And if any of you know how to rid me of a curse, that would also be helpful as I don't want a recurring mosquito swarm tonight.  ¶ 10:21 AM 4 comments

  Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and girls... Meet my first born, littlewing.

Littlewing was my sorority sister at UNT during my first round of college, and my roomie in Florida for a year and a half. She calls me 'Mama' because I tend to be everyone's mother.... So I refer to her as my first born.

And holy hell, can she tell a story... She is kind of like a young version of Rose from The Golden Girls... Only most of the time, her stories are a little more entertaining ;)

No, seriously, they are far more entertaining.

So go say hi, because if you don't, I am gonna put in a call to my mob friends...

Two Words: Cement Shoes!!!

No, I wouldn't do that.... But go say hi anyways.  ¶ 3:20 PM 0 comments

  Just Call Me Betty F. Crocker I am changing my name from Ms. S'Ghetti to Betty Fucking Crocker.

Lately, I have been filling my time with baking, sewing, and dropping F Bombs.

In the last week, I have baked three batches of cookies, from scratch- and invented one of the recipes.

Why? Two batches were for June, because she doesn't like to bake- but promises her boyfriend and his posse' cookies... So I did it for her... That is what friends are for.

The other batch was for boy, interrupted. (See three posts down)

Recently, I have made three pairs of goucho pants, I made the double mint dresses, I have made a couple of bags, and I am in the process of making a messenger bag for my beloved Satan1.

Why all of the F Bombs? Therapy. It is very therapeutic to say "Fuck!" Especially when you sew a zipper into a skirt on accident, or whatever.

The baking has got to go, because I will not be winning the battle against the bulge with batches of triple chocolate cookies hanging around... BUT-

Sewing, I must say, is almost therapeutic... When I was an art major in my first years of college, I loved what I did, I loved to be elbow deep in clay, or paint, or whatever the median for the day was. LOVED IT. But when I realized I would have to give up my love for money- It is kind of bitter sweet to dabble- It makes me want to give up money for my love. I still have all of my crap- A pottery wheel, clay tools, paints, brushes, glazes, canvases, a room devoted to all of the stuff... But it is still sad. Sewing provides a creative outlet that produces something. I am digging it. Even if it causes me to say "fuck" A LOT.  ¶ 11:57 PM 2 comments

  Double Double your refreshment... YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

June 'The Bitch' Cleaver and I have decided to go as 'The Double Mint Twins' For Haloween,

I was in charge of making the dresses. A beautiful kelly green selection, with white piping. AND I put the zipper in myself! Aren't you impressed?

AND my dress is made, hers is waiting to be fitted.

Can I get a whooop whooop?

Come on!

Big brother says that there is too much cleavage popping out of the dress, but isn't Haloween an excuse to run around looking all slutty anyways?

He should be happy, because this year, we are taking a clean slut approach. Every one tell big brother to be happy.

Now, what are all of you folks going as for Haloween?  ¶ 9:07 PM 3 comments

  Boy, Interrupted Another day, another road trip for me.

This time I was off to Wichita Falls to visit a friend who was taken into protective custody after trying to commit suicide.

It has been the best thing for him, and he is back to the person I used to know and love.

I missed him.

But enough of that sappy shit, lets talk about the looney bin.

If you are ever lacking in entertainment in your life, I reccomend a trip to the local mental hospital. I know I am securing my golden ticket to hell for finding my trip there so very amusing, but I really cannot help it.

First of all, My friend has two stalkers and a very random person that seem to follow him around where ever he goes. One of the stalkers is a very random fellow, and serves as comedic relief when we are speaking on the phone.

Today, J called me after I left to let me know that all of the staff is running up to him asking who I was, what was our story, and if I was planning on visiting again. The stalker decides to join our conversation.

Stalker: Who is that?
J: My best friend
Me: Who the hell is that?
J: It is the one I was telling you about.
Stalker: Is it a boy?
J: No, she is a girl.
Stalker: Does she have a penis?
j: No, girls don't have penises.
Stalker: Oh, I like girls you know.
J: Good. Why don't you go get some exercize?
Stalker: Ok, what should I do?
J: Jump on one foot?
Stalker: OK. (as he proceeds to jump on one foot for the remainder of our conversation)

The random person, oh the random person. Apparently he does not have the ability to distinguish between reality and fiction. Thus, he appears barefooted to us but in his world is wearing boots. He also enjoys fishing in the toilet bowl, Talking on an imaginary phone, 'mopping' with an imaginary mop, and lots of other seemingly harmless, but highly entertaining activities.

J has nicknamed this place 'homo central station' for the sheer plethora of same sex oriented people that are currently residing there. Luckily, he has not run into any of his former lovers.

All in all, I give this day a ten.  ¶ 7:17 PM 0 comments

  Wound Tight. June "The Bitch" Cleaver and I had our road trip this weekend, and as always, we found so many ways to entertain ourselves.

1) Some Truck Driver thought we were hot, and put out an all call on the CB, so we had truckers staring, honking, waving, and blowing kisses at us the whole way there.

2)We sang to RENT like we were in the original broadway cast.

3) June informed me that she does not eat things that squirt goo in her mouth, unless- of course- they are creme filled. We were talking about Nemo gummy fish, but it was too funny to pass up.

4) We ate at a Shit Pit restaurant in Shit Pit, Texas. It was called Billy something's. We ate chopped beef sandwiches that were made of grade c beef like substance, or dog food, the world may never know. On the upswing of things, they had very delectable pickles- and their Diet Pepsi was not too bad either.

5) I seem to have a very extreme case of verbal vomit when I get around June's man, and tend to let little secrets slip.... I told him the real color of her eyes the last time we were together (which she hides impeccibly well), and this time I informed him of her bad habit with toothpaste.

6) We played a riveting round of 'Would you rather', our favorite made up game with her boy. This is a very entertaining game that has come about because we know most everything we care to know about each other, so we have reverted to conjuring up repulsive questions. Example to follow: "Would you rather eat ten disease infested cockroaches or swim in a pool of vomit?" Any questions that I can use on June for our next round would be greatly appreciated, just leave them in the comments.

7) I slept.

8) We went shopping, where we got some steals of a deal on some rather entertaining stuff. One of our purchases were pink heart 'Best Friend' necklaces. It is the small things.

9) We feel that stores should regulate their sizes and make sizes in between sizes. Shopping was a little frustrating today.

10) It has been decided that for our upcoming birthdays, we will be getting tattoos.

11) It has also been decided that we love The Beatles song, 'When I'm 64"

12) It has also also been decided that we are going to be roommies when we get really old and crochety. That should prove to be a trip.

And then we got home, June is sad because it was a sad day. She had to say goodbye to the beau who is going to go to Baghdad on a civillian contract. I am just wound tight- I am pissy, don't much feel like talking, and am generally being slightly bitchy. I don't know why and I hate it when that happens. SOOOOOOO... If you have a lovely little antecdote for me to make me happy- or to make June happy, that would be lovely. Especially June.

Tomorrow, I will tell you all a little antecdote on Chocolate Covered Rasins, because I am certain that this must be very puzzling for those that don't know.  ¶ 11:58 PM 1 comments

  My run in with the law Yesterday, oh yesterday...

Yesterday, I was driving down the road at the ass crack of morning, smoking my morning cigarette when it happened...

*Sirens, Lights, and the bloop bloop of a police car*

Fuck. I am on ticket probation, i was not speeding, I was not running any red lights, but double Fuck. My license plate sticker is out.

So up comes the country bumkin of a cop (Sidebar, I think that police should be required to be hotties- if they are going to cost you $200+ for fifteen minutes, they should at least be top notch eye candy), and this gentleman asks me to step out of my car. I thought this to be bizarre, but I did it. He asks for my drivers liscense and registration, and I comply. He then tells me, that my liscense plate is running as stolen, and thus this vehicle is also stolen.

I looked at him like he had three heads, for one... If I was going to play a reality game of Grand Theft Auto, I would most certainly NOT steal a 2000 Honda Accord with body damage. I would steal a SAAB or a Mercedes or something good. Secondly, I have put every mile with exception to the first thirty two miles on that car. Don't tell me I stole it... Third- I have the damn pinkslip on my desk at home!

He then informs me that protocol would be to take me to jail... And I freak. I have been to jail once, and it was the most unpleasant fifteen minutes of my life. My mother is out of town, my brother is hung over, and I am going to have to go to JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time to turn on the charm, turn up the cute little Texan accent, and worm my way out of this one..

"Officer, I would neeeeever steal a car, I don't know whyyyyy the plates are coming up stoooooolen, and I swear- Oh do I swayer- that I would never do anything like thayut" *Eyelashes batting*

Lucky me, it worked.

He let me off with a little piece of advice... "Young lady, you need to go get this taken care of immediately- Because you don't look like a car theif, and I don't want to take you to jail, so can you go get new plates now?"

"Oh Yes officer, right now." *Eyelashes batting so hard that I nearly knocked my contact out*  ¶ 12:00 PM 2 comments

  Question:
Who Wants to drink him up?!?!?!?



Answer:
We Do! We Do!!!!!!!

Let me take this moment to introduce you to June "The Bitch" Cleaver- My new team blogger! Love her as you love me- she is, after all, my better half.  ¶ 7:44 PM 5 comments

  I Enjoy Being A Girl Why? You may ask?!?

It is certainly not because I have the ability to give birth, or because my people live longer than men... Nope, It is because I love accessories.

I love them. I can't have enough. You can over accessorize an outfit, but it never hurts to have an overabundance of choices to work with.

I love bracelets, I love bangles, I love hoop earrings, I love chandaleir earrings, I love necklaces, I love it all. The Bigger, The better.

Christmas came early in the Spaghetti household...

I busted out my grandmother, Francies, jewelry, and let me be the one to say, she had some Superb taste.

I was so excited that I put all of my new found necklaces, bracelets, and brooches on and slept in them.

Again, it is the small things that excite me.

Waking up in tons of gaudy baubles is better than Christmas, It is better than hot chocolate cake, hell- I would say it is even better than *gasps* sex.

OK, I have to stop now, I have mentioned my deceased grandmother and sex in the same thought.  ¶ 9:14 AM 3 comments

  Today was a good day. In fact, it was the best day I have had in two months.

Last night was the first night that I slept through the night peacefully without the help of sleeping pills in two months.

I woke up, feeling refreshed and ready to deal with whatever cards were handed to me. They were all good cards.

I got my first phone call of the morning, and it wasn't someone crying or bitching or being pissy... It was my heterosexual life partner telling me the most wonderful way to deal with road rage (If anyone is interested- she says it is chain smoking incessantly- I am certain that the American Cancer Society will love that one)

I checked my bank account balance, which I have not checked in two months... Partially because I thought there was nothing to check and also because I have misplaced my check card....

To my surprise, there was a plethora of money in there.... So I paid a looming bill and got my hair cut and highlighted by my favorite hairdresser.

It looks awesome.

I had linner (combo of lunch and dinner) with my favorite hairdresser/heterosexual life partner/June "The Bitch" Cleaver, in which she told me that no matter what I did with my failing marriage she would not blame me, or think badly of me... I knew that, but I needed to hear it.

I talked to my favorite distraction.

I came home, and have been sitting here metabolizing my day.

I am happy. I am lucky. I am blessed with these people that I call my family- from those related to me by blood, to the ones who have a piece of my heart and soul.

I am lucky. So damn lucky.  ¶ 3:55 PM 2 comments

  Manic Monday When I was a kid, I had a Pocket Rocker and let me say, it was cool. It was black, hot pink, and purple. I had all of the really cool tapes: I had Debbie Gibson, and I had the song 'Walk Like an Egyptian,' AND 'Manic Monday.'

I was cool.

I loved that stupid thing- and every time I hear those songs, it brings me back to my Pocket Rocker days.

I heard three of them today. That is what I call a good day.

it is the small things that excite me these days.

Everyone has their favorite toys, what was ya'alls?  ¶ 7:52 PM 5 comments

  They Put the Duct Tape Where? I love weekends like this.... There is nothing better.

New friends, old friends, remeeting old friends, fun, alcohol, and memories.

Yeah, that about covers it.

On Saturday, we went to S4. Namely we went to The Rose Room. We saw some fabulous drag queens, my new gay husband and I got smashing drunk and sang some smashingly fabulous songs, toasted to everything we could think of, got some assholes kicked out (they knocked over three of our drinks- Can we say party foul?!?), and all in all, had a blast.

But I have to ask.... What is the phenomenon with a select group of gay men and boobs? They don't care who they are attached to, as long as they can grab them. If straight men could get away with that at bars, I cannot even imagine what would happen. Hell would freeze over, that is for sure. Another odd phenomenon: I would kill any straight man who decided he was going to grab my boobs at a bar without at least buying me a drink... Whatever, the rules are different in the gayberhood.

Sidebar: I wish I was as hot as some of the queens.

Sunday was devoted to catching up on my beauty sleep, checking out the new secrets, exfoliating, and my night of television (Extreme Makeover:home edition, Desperate Housewives, and Gray's Anatomy).

Good Times.  ¶ 8:31 PM 3 comments