Don't Cry for Me I have some news,

I am dying of the Avian Flu.

How have I come to this realization you ask? Well, simple. I was reading the Sunday News Paper, and there it was- smack on the front page of the Fort Worth Star Telegram.

I will give you a shortened Readers Digest version of the article: Basically in Asia and Europe, birds are dying and getting sick, not necessarily in that order. It is the beilief of some scientist that a human with a common cold can pick up 'The Avian Flu' and it will morph into some form of a super virus- possibly spreading and killing tens of thousands of humans. After all, the article says that the world is due for a 'Pandemic.'

On Monday, my head got stuffy. Then the phlegm set in... Now I am sick, and I feel that I may be the person that is responsible for morphing the Avian Flu in to a homosapien virus. My appologies.

I would like to take this moment to leave my will and testament.

I would like to leave my extensive expensive purse collection, my Smoky Topaz Skating pond necklace, and all of my shoes to my Heterosexual Life Partner- she will dole my prized possessions out as she sees fit. So be nice to her. I would like to leave the deeds to all of my student loans and all of my debt to the person I despise the most, I will be deciding who this is at a later date, so be nice to me too. May whomever gets stuck with this rot in hell.

As for all of my corture, I would like for an auction to be held, and all of the money raised will go toward buying a designer ballgown for my final fashion statement. I was going to start a Ms. S'Ghetti scholarship fund, but honestly, I think I would enjoy a ballgown more.

As I write this, I am hopped up on allergy medicine, and I feel a nap coming on- Please know that I am being a hypochondriac, and the likelyhood of you hearing from me tomorrow is very high... I am certain that I can be the one to beat the Avian Flu.  ¶ 11:31 AM