Happy Blogday This blog is now One year old.

I have, officially been pouring my brain, my thoughts, and sometimes my feelings out for one solid year.

Buy me presents to celebrate.  ¶ 2:54 PM 2 comments

  ...It must be hard to date me. When you come to the realization that you yourself couldn't date you, yourself... It is a harsh and unkind reality.

I mean, really... If I were to run into myself, and god forbid, date myself... I would tell myself off with a strand of insulting speech. It would go something like this:

"YOU overanalyze everything, you are emotionally constipated and though maybe in touch with your feelings have one hell of a time expressing them with words... Every thing you say is a contradiction to what you feel, and it makes no sense. Further more, you love jewelry and all things that sparkle more than you love the air that you breathe. You are RIDICULOUS!"

I am ridiculous.

In fact, when I care about the dating associate, I spend hours upon hours analyzing one sentence. ONE SENTENCE. I spend hours upon hours thinking about strange and random verbage.

I am constantly hearing 'What are you thinking about?' from those that I date. And I constantly say 'Oh, nothing.' That is a bold faced lie. It is always something. Only, if I were to inform them what it was that I was thinking, they would look at me as if I was insaine.

And I am. Maybe not crazy in the 'Admit me to the Psych Ward' Way- but in the 'Good god, quantum physics is less complicated than you' kind of way.

What I would love more than anything is to know what former dating associates say in reference to me. Or even better, if the current dating associate views me as the pain in the ass that I clearly am...

I guess some questions are better left unanswered.  ¶ 10:27 AM 1 comments

  Damn voices talk to me. Ever had an angel sitting on one shoulder and a devil on the other?

We all know right from wrong, but sometimes the wrong is so much more fun.

What to do? What to do? What to do? What to do?

Do the right thing, do the right thing, do the right thing....

Do the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, do the wrong thing...

Call for a third opinion.

In the end, do what you know is right.

Doing the right thing is so boring.  ¶ 3:54 PM 1 comments

  In a quest to be the eternal female Peter Pan, I have come up with a brand new master plan for my life....

I dont want to work five days a week, but I do need benefits....

What ever can I do?

Become A flight attendant.

And I am bringing Elle in on the idea,

More On This Later.  ¶ 9:50 AM 1 comments

  These Are my Confessions. Just call me Usher.

Three confessions. Mad Libs Style.

Confession #1-
Dear (Name),
I saw those (insert plural object here) and you knew I saw them. So I (action verb) the objects in question. I felt (insert feeling here).

Confession #2-
Dearest,
I am ok with you (insert feeling here) me. I (insert feeling here) you too.

Confession #3-
I do not like (insert name here). I only pretend like I do because it makes you (insert emotion here).  ¶ 8:08 PM 4 comments

  Beware of philosophical objects It is agreed that it is the human condition to do what feels good. Only, we have complicated this basic rule with things like 'moral compasses' and 'civic duty' and 'relationships.'

So now what we have are these very complicated selves that try to please all of these aspects with every single strategically planned event.

It gets confusing. It gets old. It gets tiring.

It becomes rather muddled. You stop knowing when to please yourself, or when to take one for the team...

You can't pay homage to what the team wants all of your life, but you can't do what you want, just because you want it either.

It makes for a muddled mess. Does all of that get easier when you get old? Doubtful.

On the other hand, I had an amazing weekend filled with things that I find enjoyable. Cowboymouth, The Wild Flower Festival, A Chorus Line, Fine Dining, Sunday Brunch, Smurf figurines, Desperate Housewives season finale (which was AMAZING), the whole gammett if you will.  ¶ 6:16 AM 0 comments

  ...These are a few of my favorite things There is one spot on the farthest reaches of the universe that is mine, all mine.

Is it my abode? Nope. That belongs to my mother and father.

Is it my vehicle? Negative. As it is a traveling location.

Where? You may ask? Here.

My blog.

In an ode to my blog, to the one place that I govern everything, I would like to pledge my allegiance to my little spot on the web, it is a lovely one. Uncomfortable for some, but amazing for me.

Why? Why is it so amazing? Simply put, because I make the rules.  ¶ 1:30 PM 2 comments

  She has a piece of my heart

My Andreaguita came to visit this weekend.....

... I miss her so...  ¶ 12:19 PM 0 comments

  I didn't do it. OK, Whoever loves me most can help me fix this blog of mine....

Who knows how to make it pretty again???  ¶ 4:08 PM 1 comments

  I am having an identity crisis. Soooooooooooooo...

I get this email from SoNotRight, informing me that I have been blogrolled here.

So I am a poster child of gay blogs? How does one become a poster child of gay blogs if they are not gay? I mean, don't get me wrong, I get down with the gay people... But I have never slept with someone of the same sex, so I don't really feel that I qualify...

But damnit I WANT to qualify...

So I have decided to award myself with an honorary title....

I am henceforth 'Honorary Gay man stuck in a straight girls body'

Any who second this motion can do so in the comment box.....

Other nominees? Want to nominate yourself??? Go right ahead...

There ought to be more of us out there...  ¶ 8:54 AM 2 comments

  Pink. As in the singer. Not the color. I love PINK. I have good memories of a song... A song that is quite appropriate for today.

In the way of PINK, I should like to make today a day of listing.

Five Things I find Annoying
1) People going back on their word. This is not meant in the way of 'But you promised we would go out to dinner, and now that your great Aunt Maple has come into town, you are cancelling.' This is meant in the way of making a promise that is not kept for no good reason. Generally a good way to piss me off.

2) People wearing their feelings on their sleeve, and thereby projecting feelings of insecurity on me... Therefore turning me into a gigantic bitch. Don't do it. Really, don't. We will stop there.

3) Yelling at me as if I were four years old. I am not four. That said, I am not grown up, but I am grown up enough to make up my mind, make my own decisions, and choose my own path in life. Stop yelling. It isn't going to change my mind.

4) Giving advice during inopportune times. Generally, I do not want advice unless I, in no uncertain terms, ask for it. Those of you who have not been exactly where I am, doing exactly what I am doing, do not know exactly what my cards are. If I ask, it is fair game. If I don't, don't offer it up.

5) Stating that I am critical. Yes, damnit I am critical. Especially of the people I love. If I point out what you do wrong, it is because I love you enough to think that you should fix it. I do it to everyone that I find worth it. I expect for people to do it to me. So if you don't like it, don't surround yourself with me. BUT DONT make me out to be the bad one because I want the best for you.

This post was brought to you by the letters B, I, T, C, and H.

Thank you, come again.  ¶ 1:58 PM 0 comments

  Meet my southpark character.
And you also can make your own character... If you play your cards right.

You can play your cards right by Clicking This Button  ¶ 2:06 PM 0 comments

  Navigate your ship however you want... I know that I am a different individual...

I know that the way I tick is not like anyone elses.

But seriously... I make way more sense than other people.

Last night, I went out with 'the associate' to the symphony. After the symphony, we went to this coffee house/dessert palace/bar called OBZEET. There, we met 'The Jew Crew' in which my favorite of 'the associates' friends was a part of. He was drunk beyond drunk, which just makes things really fun. Anyways... We sat discussing the friends new girl... By new I mean two weeks old. NEW. And the topic came up that if he were to title her as something, he would call her his girlfriend.

I nearly choked on my own tounge. It was clear that I nearly choked on my own tounge. And to further make me cackle... he said "But it is different. She really likes me."

OK, let me just break this down for a moment. Follow me. Now you people who fall madly in love after a few short weeks, are, well... fools. FOOLS I TELL YOU. In order to assure myself that I shall not become a fool... I have set forth a plan of sorts. It is really quite sensible. Follow me.

There are four levels of the datingship.

1) Casual Associate- The one you see weekly, or bi-monthly, to cure boredom or whatever. There are no strings attached. You could have several casual associates if you care to. Because clearly, there is no care involved. This pattern should be kept for at least two weeks, preferrably one month.

2) Dating Associate- This is a person that you see with some degree of regularity. You like them, they like you. You still have every right to date other people, unless otherwise specified. The dating associate is someone you spend time with, someone you care about, but someone that holds no stock in your important life decisions. IE- If you decide to move to Moscow, they should certainly be alerted... But they don't get to state their opinion on the issue. Introducing associates to family members should be avoided like one avoids the Avian Flu. You can discuss the associate with friends, but only introduce them to those that are very near and dear to the heart. This should be the holding pattern for one to four months, maybe longer, depending on the situation.

3) The Significant Something- The significant something is really a place of splendor. You can introduce them to the family, you can introduce them to the friends... They are your one and only dating associate... But they are different than the dating associate because you actually really and truly enjoy their company. Still by no means a boyfriend or girlfriend. You care about their opinion, and though you ARE NOT required to take heed, you definately listen to what it is that they are saying. This could be an indefinate holding pattern, and it is generally advisable to stay there for a good amount of time, but should be in place for at least one month.

4) The Boyfriend/Girlfriend- This place is not for the faint of heart. This is the place where you iron out ALL of the kinks of your relationship. This is the place where you do strange things like take them on vacation to meet your extended family. One must truly care about your life in order to be titled 'Boy/Girlfriend.' For example, Boyfriends and Girlfriends must attend all family events. There are no bribes to be had. They must attend the great uncles funeral, and they must bring flowers. They must be the pillar of the dating community. Behavior that was previously excusable is no longer excusable. This becomes the time in a courtship where the ever familliar 'We bombs' are dropped. 'WE' like itallian food. 'WE' like the color pink. 'WE' want a house in the country. Timeline for this period: A minimum of one year. That is being nice.

So there you have it... A sensible guide to the navigation of the datingship. Take it or leave it. I, for one, will take it.  ¶ 1:37 PM 1 comments

  Cosmically Challenged. People, in general, are flawed individuals...

I think Jimmy Buffett put it best when he said 'The Cosmic Bakers took us out of the ovens a little too early.'

Anyone who cannot admit their flaws, are more flawed than you care to admit.

Today, I had the pleasure of quite literally running into one of the most flawed, fucked up, people. His name: Juan.

Juan kindly rear ended my vehicle whilst I was on my travels from Denton to Garland-ia.

Juan then got out of his vehicle and made a series of declarations and moves that just plain and simply pissed me off.

First, he informed me that he would prefer that I not call the police, as 'he was not supposed to be here.' I mean, really, I am completely tolerant of the illegal latin population, so long as they are not causing me to have to search for translations to documents, they are contributing to the working society in which I care not to contribute to, and generally being lovely members of society. When you run into my vehicle, you are no longer a lovely member of society. Strike one for my flawed friend, Juan.

Then, he proceeded to place his hand in the small of my back and reach over me as to give me a hug. Some of you will find this particularly hilarious, as I DO NOT like to be touched. Nonetheless, Juan decided to do this twice, before I kindly explained to him that if he were to partake in this a third time, he would be decked. This will count as strike two and three for Juan, as I generally HATE being touched by strangers.

After he was done violating my personal space, Juan then declared that he had done no damage to my vehicle. I didn't care, I asked for his insurance information anyways. Since Juan already had his strike limit... Juan was just feeding the fire of my anger.

When prompted for his insurance info, Juan handed me an expired insurance card. All the while, declaring to me that he had done no damage to my vehicle. I continued to write the information down, as it is never good to piss a diva off. All the while becoming quite enraged. Due to the irritation, I then expressed the need to see his drivers liscense, and demanded to know where this Juan was working. Here comes irrational girl that we have been discussing lately.

As I drove off into the sunset, I thought to myself that this is a seriously flawed individual. A seriously flawed individual that has seriously pissed me off. Now here is the question that I have been grappling with for the entire day... Upon reciept of the insurance check, shall I call and report his employer for hiring illegal immigrants? Shall I call and file a police report, just to make his life a living hell? Or shall I walk away and just be thankful that this man is someone I will never, ever, have to run into again?  ¶ 4:34 PM 3 comments