Sunday, May 07, 2006
Navigate your ship however you want...
I know that I am a different individual...
I know that the way I tick is not like anyone elses.
But seriously... I make way more sense than other people.
Last night, I went out with 'the associate' to the symphony. After the symphony, we went to this coffee house/dessert palace/bar called OBZEET. There, we met 'The Jew Crew' in which my favorite of 'the associates' friends was a part of. He was drunk beyond drunk, which just makes things really fun. Anyways... We sat discussing the friends new girl... By new I mean two weeks old. NEW. And the topic came up that if he were to title her as something, he would call her his girlfriend.
I nearly choked on my own tounge. It was clear that I nearly choked on my own tounge. And to further make me cackle... he said "But it is different. She really likes me."
OK, let me just break this down for a moment. Follow me. Now you people who fall madly in love after a few short weeks, are, well... fools. FOOLS I TELL YOU. In order to assure myself that I shall not become a fool... I have set forth a plan of sorts. It is really quite sensible. Follow me.
There are four levels of the datingship.
1) Casual Associate- The one you see weekly, or bi-monthly, to cure boredom or whatever. There are no strings attached. You could have several casual associates if you care to. Because clearly, there is no care involved. This pattern should be kept for at least two weeks, preferrably one month.
2) Dating Associate- This is a person that you see with some degree of regularity. You like them, they like you. You still have every right to date other people, unless otherwise specified. The dating associate is someone you spend time with, someone you care about, but someone that holds no stock in your important life decisions. IE- If you decide to move to Moscow, they should certainly be alerted... But they don't get to state their opinion on the issue. Introducing associates to family members should be avoided like one avoids the Avian Flu. You can discuss the associate with friends, but only introduce them to those that are very near and dear to the heart. This should be the holding pattern for one to four months, maybe longer, depending on the situation.
3) The Significant Something- The significant something is really a place of splendor. You can introduce them to the family, you can introduce them to the friends... They are your one and only dating associate... But they are different than the dating associate because you actually really and truly enjoy their company. Still by no means a boyfriend or girlfriend. You care about their opinion, and though you ARE NOT required to take heed, you definately listen to what it is that they are saying. This could be an indefinate holding pattern, and it is generally advisable to stay there for a good amount of time, but should be in place for at least one month.
4) The Boyfriend/Girlfriend- This place is not for the faint of heart. This is the place where you iron out ALL of the kinks of your relationship. This is the place where you do strange things like take them on vacation to meet your extended family. One must truly care about your life in order to be titled 'Boy/Girlfriend.' For example, Boyfriends and Girlfriends must attend all family events. There are no bribes to be had. They must attend the great uncles funeral, and they must bring flowers. They must be the pillar of the dating community. Behavior that was previously excusable is no longer excusable. This becomes the time in a courtship where the ever familliar 'We bombs' are dropped. 'WE' like itallian food. 'WE' like the color pink. 'WE' want a house in the country. Timeline for this period: A minimum of one year. That is being nice.
So there you have it... A sensible guide to the navigation of the datingship. Take it or leave it. I, for one, will take it. ¶ 1:37 PM
I know that the way I tick is not like anyone elses.
But seriously... I make way more sense than other people.
Last night, I went out with 'the associate' to the symphony. After the symphony, we went to this coffee house/dessert palace/bar called OBZEET. There, we met 'The Jew Crew' in which my favorite of 'the associates' friends was a part of. He was drunk beyond drunk, which just makes things really fun. Anyways... We sat discussing the friends new girl... By new I mean two weeks old. NEW. And the topic came up that if he were to title her as something, he would call her his girlfriend.
I nearly choked on my own tounge. It was clear that I nearly choked on my own tounge. And to further make me cackle... he said "But it is different. She really likes me."
OK, let me just break this down for a moment. Follow me. Now you people who fall madly in love after a few short weeks, are, well... fools. FOOLS I TELL YOU. In order to assure myself that I shall not become a fool... I have set forth a plan of sorts. It is really quite sensible. Follow me.
There are four levels of the datingship.
1) Casual Associate- The one you see weekly, or bi-monthly, to cure boredom or whatever. There are no strings attached. You could have several casual associates if you care to. Because clearly, there is no care involved. This pattern should be kept for at least two weeks, preferrably one month.
2) Dating Associate- This is a person that you see with some degree of regularity. You like them, they like you. You still have every right to date other people, unless otherwise specified. The dating associate is someone you spend time with, someone you care about, but someone that holds no stock in your important life decisions. IE- If you decide to move to Moscow, they should certainly be alerted... But they don't get to state their opinion on the issue. Introducing associates to family members should be avoided like one avoids the Avian Flu. You can discuss the associate with friends, but only introduce them to those that are very near and dear to the heart. This should be the holding pattern for one to four months, maybe longer, depending on the situation.
3) The Significant Something- The significant something is really a place of splendor. You can introduce them to the family, you can introduce them to the friends... They are your one and only dating associate... But they are different than the dating associate because you actually really and truly enjoy their company. Still by no means a boyfriend or girlfriend. You care about their opinion, and though you ARE NOT required to take heed, you definately listen to what it is that they are saying. This could be an indefinate holding pattern, and it is generally advisable to stay there for a good amount of time, but should be in place for at least one month.
4) The Boyfriend/Girlfriend- This place is not for the faint of heart. This is the place where you iron out ALL of the kinks of your relationship. This is the place where you do strange things like take them on vacation to meet your extended family. One must truly care about your life in order to be titled 'Boy/Girlfriend.' For example, Boyfriends and Girlfriends must attend all family events. There are no bribes to be had. They must attend the great uncles funeral, and they must bring flowers. They must be the pillar of the dating community. Behavior that was previously excusable is no longer excusable. This becomes the time in a courtship where the ever familliar 'We bombs' are dropped. 'WE' like itallian food. 'WE' like the color pink. 'WE' want a house in the country. Timeline for this period: A minimum of one year. That is being nice.
So there you have it... A sensible guide to the navigation of the datingship. Take it or leave it. I, for one, will take it. ¶ 1:37 PM
