Friday, June 02, 2006
So Apparently I have a pressure gague on my mouth
... At least that is my brothers summation.
The whole analogy as follows
Him: "Jeebers (OK, so I am replacing some words, as this is a PG 13 blog) Jebroni (His newest and favorite nickname for yours truly), you look like shit. Whats wrong with you?"
Me: Nothing.
Him: "Famous last words. Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to pin you?"
Me: Neither is looking good. Pinning is not advisable.
Him: "Well then, I shall just have to guess from your posturing as to whats wrong with you. Hold on, I need my tools. (Returns in less than thirty seconds with two wineglasses, and one full bottle of wine.) Say when you want me to stop pouring..."
Me: You can pour all day long, I am not in the mood to drink.
Him: "Oh, ok. So, what you are saying is that you are having a bad day. Judging from your location, it is a bad day involving a member of the opposite sex. Judging from the fact that you are not drinking, you are saying that your pressure gague on your mouth was activated... And you verbally vomited, only it didn't make you feel better?"
Me: Christ, brother. First of all, what tools do you use for these psychic diagnoses? Second of all, what are you talking about a pressure gague on my mouth?
Him: "A true magician can never reveal his tricks, but I will say that the wine bottle holds far more answers than the crystal ball ever thought about holding. As far as the pressure gague goes: You are easy to read. You may make no sense, but you are completely an open book when people pay attention. You and your verbal vomit is like a shaken beer can. You are never without carbonation, people keep shaking, you get eerily quiet... People keep shaking, even if they don't mean to shake. Even more silence ensues. The calm before the storm. Then something seemingly meaningless, like a simple jostle of the cooler, and the pressure gague on your mouth loses it. You spew beer, or words, violently. Only, and this is often the case, nothing is actually accomplished by this verbal outpour... Because noone ingested the beer, and there is still beer left in the can. You should probably consider a different management technique. This one rarely works for you. When you care to fill me in on the details, let me know... Until then, I will be forced to polish off this bottle of wine"
Yeah, so my method of crises management is clearly as flawwed as FEMA, now what am I going to do about it? ¶ 5:22 PM
The whole analogy as follows
Him: "Jeebers (OK, so I am replacing some words, as this is a PG 13 blog) Jebroni (His newest and favorite nickname for yours truly), you look like shit. Whats wrong with you?"
Me: Nothing.
Him: "Famous last words. Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to pin you?"
Me: Neither is looking good. Pinning is not advisable.
Him: "Well then, I shall just have to guess from your posturing as to whats wrong with you. Hold on, I need my tools. (Returns in less than thirty seconds with two wineglasses, and one full bottle of wine.) Say when you want me to stop pouring..."
Me: You can pour all day long, I am not in the mood to drink.
Him: "Oh, ok. So, what you are saying is that you are having a bad day. Judging from your location, it is a bad day involving a member of the opposite sex. Judging from the fact that you are not drinking, you are saying that your pressure gague on your mouth was activated... And you verbally vomited, only it didn't make you feel better?"
Me: Christ, brother. First of all, what tools do you use for these psychic diagnoses? Second of all, what are you talking about a pressure gague on my mouth?
Him: "A true magician can never reveal his tricks, but I will say that the wine bottle holds far more answers than the crystal ball ever thought about holding. As far as the pressure gague goes: You are easy to read. You may make no sense, but you are completely an open book when people pay attention. You and your verbal vomit is like a shaken beer can. You are never without carbonation, people keep shaking, you get eerily quiet... People keep shaking, even if they don't mean to shake. Even more silence ensues. The calm before the storm. Then something seemingly meaningless, like a simple jostle of the cooler, and the pressure gague on your mouth loses it. You spew beer, or words, violently. Only, and this is often the case, nothing is actually accomplished by this verbal outpour... Because noone ingested the beer, and there is still beer left in the can. You should probably consider a different management technique. This one rarely works for you. When you care to fill me in on the details, let me know... Until then, I will be forced to polish off this bottle of wine"
Yeah, so my method of crises management is clearly as flawwed as FEMA, now what am I going to do about it? ¶ 5:22 PM
