Revision De La Valentines Day. In case you were not paying attention, I revised the calendar this year.

One of my major revisions: Valentines Day.

This particular day has always been profoundly distasteful, single or coupled, and thereby I decided to remove it from the calendar this year. In lieu of it, I have decided that I will celebrate this day by celebrating all of the wonderful things that are in my life. Without further procrastination, I have decided to publish a list of all appropriate gifts for the NEW and IMPROVED Valentines Day(which should be used to celebrate all things fabulous, such as your friends, or people you adore. If you have no friends, and you do not adore anyone, fine. Celebrate with your pet. This holiday is no longer reserved for those coupled fools.) I digress, list as follows.

1) Roses are, to say the very least, overused. And Expensive. For no good reason. Thus, if I were to recieve flowers, it should be lillies and tulips, as those are my favorite. BUT flowers are not the preferred gift for the NEW and IMPROVED Valentines Day, DVD's are. A boquet of DVD's really shows one how much you care, and they will be around until the end of time. Flowers Die.

2) Tacky diamond heart necklaces are simply.... Tacky for lack of a better expression. If I ruled the world, I would have already staged a large corporate meeting with all of the chain jewelry stores outlawing the selling of any less than original jewelry... But alas, I do not rule the world, I simply rule my calendar. The appropriate replacement to this will be either gobs and oodles of costume jewelry -OR- fantastic vintage jewelry.

3) Chocolates and candy are hereby unacceptable. Even the chocolate and candy that comes in the Godiva form is ousted from the list. Instead of focusing on things that are going to make your clothes not fit, I suggest one purchases something that will always fit, accessories. Purses and Shoes and Belts, oh my! Personally, I would prefer a fantastic purse over a truffle any day of the week.

4) While we are on candy, we should probably discuss 'Conversation Hearts.' Where these came from, I will never know. They all taste similar to Pepto Bismol, and they have ridiculous sayings on them that stopped being cute in the fourth grade. The replacement to this monstrosity is simple, one should give away fortune cookies. At least fortune cookies have some redeeming qualities. But please, ensure that each and every cookie has a fortune in it... And you must teach all recipients of the fortune cookies the 'in bed' game that goes along with fortune cookie eating.

The plans for my NEW and IMPROVED Valentines Day seem to be coming along quite nicely, though I am looking for feedback.... Changes to the holiday? You let me know, because I really do care ;)  ¶ 6:14 AM