Political Correctness Can Shove it. OK, kiddies. It is officially Christmas eve eve, Hanukkah Eve, and Kwanzaa Eve Eve Eve. So I have decided to give you folks a little tale I have been conjuring up- for your reading pleasure- As a Christmahanukwanzakah gift.

Political Correctness aside... Truthball Style. (editors notes can be found in the parenthesis)

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAHANUKWANZAKAH

by Ms. SGhetti

'Twas the night before Christmahanukwanzakah, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;



The gift lists were e mailed to the elves with care,

In hopes that My daddy soon would be there (he is a PC Santa that services all);


The twentysomethings were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Jack Daniels danced in their heads;

And mamma holding her Fendi clutch, and I dreaming of days with no brats (AKA overgrown children still living at home),

Had just settled down for a long overdue roll in the sack,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,


But a big honkin' Crown Victoria, and one tiny dauchund,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be Santa S'Ghetti.

More rapid than S'Ghetti speaking her mind his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, you damn Ford product, don't break down tonight- all the twenty somethings are waiting, and they are quite the fright (when they don't get what they want)

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away DONT FALL!"

As Mary Poppins goes when she opens her umbrell-y,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the Crown Vic full of booze, and Santa S'Ghetti too.


And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The vrooming and screeching of each tire spinning about.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Santa came with a bound.

He was dressed all in Polo, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of booze he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a bartender just beginning his shift.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!(and now you know where Ms. S'Ghetti gets the good looks from)

His mischevious little smile, showed that he knew-- the people would be pleased with the gifts that he brewed.

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly

That shook, when he laughed like a bowl full of Jello (shots.)

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the glasses; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a honk,

And away they all flew like only Jet Blue can do.


But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmahanukwanzakah to all, and to all a good-night."


Merry Merry Christmas, Ya'aallll Be safe, and happy, and all that Jazz.  ¶ 11:33 PM