Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Santa Claus is coming to town.
I have an announcement to make:
My father thinks he is Santa Claus. Nay nay, My father is Santa Claus.
My dad is a jolly man, with a large belly, and hair as white as the snow. Christmas is something that the man has never taken lightly. I always thought that it was normal to have wooden cut outs of Santa, Ms. Claus, the sleigh, nine reindeer, a toy house, and two elves in your yard... I also thought that it was normal to own every ornament that Hallmark has produced over the years. Hell, I even thought it was normal for LGB trains to be running through your house through the holiday season. The years flew by, and his christmas addiction got worse, he expanded my cozy little department 56 village from 14 homes to a city of ninety one pieces. His christmas CD collection now takes up a 200 disc CD changer... and I kid you not, they broke an artificial tree because they overweighted it with ornaments. We don't just have one avent calendar for our household.... We have one for every room. And how many tubs of christmas adornments do we have? Honestly, probably 40... Maybe more. We have two attics and an outdoor shed devoted to the season.
Why- you may ask do I think my father is Santa?
The evidence is simple, since childhood- it is my belief that he was in training to be Santa. Since these jobs are hard to come by, he has always blended into corporate america.... And then he got his chance. The dad got a job offer in Virginia (which I now know to be a cover for his true work location of The North Pole) in which he has several employees (also known as elves) at his disposal. How are they all paid you ask? The state of Virginia has kindly agreed to pick up the tab, and they call Santa's workshop 'Virginia Museum of Natural History.'
My father has made a few changes to the Santa regime... He has traded his Sleigh in for a Crown Victoria (no worries- it has a police cruiser package so he will still be able to make it around the world in one night.) and since reindeer are quite irritable creatures, and he really doesn't need them to pull the crown vic... He has nine tiny dauchunds... Also- just so you know, my father prefers hot tea to hot cocoa. So when you are leaving the christmas snacks out- a tea bag of Earl Grey and some home made cookies will be just fine.
So, now you know. My father is Santa Claus. You can leave your wishlists in the comment box, and I will be sure to pass it on to the big man himself. ¶ 11:48 PM
My father thinks he is Santa Claus. Nay nay, My father is Santa Claus.
My dad is a jolly man, with a large belly, and hair as white as the snow. Christmas is something that the man has never taken lightly. I always thought that it was normal to have wooden cut outs of Santa, Ms. Claus, the sleigh, nine reindeer, a toy house, and two elves in your yard... I also thought that it was normal to own every ornament that Hallmark has produced over the years. Hell, I even thought it was normal for LGB trains to be running through your house through the holiday season. The years flew by, and his christmas addiction got worse, he expanded my cozy little department 56 village from 14 homes to a city of ninety one pieces. His christmas CD collection now takes up a 200 disc CD changer... and I kid you not, they broke an artificial tree because they overweighted it with ornaments. We don't just have one avent calendar for our household.... We have one for every room. And how many tubs of christmas adornments do we have? Honestly, probably 40... Maybe more. We have two attics and an outdoor shed devoted to the season.
Why- you may ask do I think my father is Santa?
The evidence is simple, since childhood- it is my belief that he was in training to be Santa. Since these jobs are hard to come by, he has always blended into corporate america.... And then he got his chance. The dad got a job offer in Virginia (which I now know to be a cover for his true work location of The North Pole) in which he has several employees (also known as elves) at his disposal. How are they all paid you ask? The state of Virginia has kindly agreed to pick up the tab, and they call Santa's workshop 'Virginia Museum of Natural History.'
My father has made a few changes to the Santa regime... He has traded his Sleigh in for a Crown Victoria (no worries- it has a police cruiser package so he will still be able to make it around the world in one night.) and since reindeer are quite irritable creatures, and he really doesn't need them to pull the crown vic... He has nine tiny dauchunds... Also- just so you know, my father prefers hot tea to hot cocoa. So when you are leaving the christmas snacks out- a tea bag of Earl Grey and some home made cookies will be just fine.
So, now you know. My father is Santa Claus. You can leave your wishlists in the comment box, and I will be sure to pass it on to the big man himself. ¶ 11:48 PM
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They don't allow neon lights on the undercarriage in Canada?
Say it ain't so.
Since we're on the wishlist topic:
1.) Big Lebowski Achiever's Edition DVD (with bowling towel and coasters, dude)
2.) A 6 foot female gymnast. Just to see if it's possible.
3.) A fat bonus check.
4.) The adoration of gay america.
5.) A right handed power hitter.
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Say it ain't so.
Since we're on the wishlist topic:
1.) Big Lebowski Achiever's Edition DVD (with bowling towel and coasters, dude)
2.) A 6 foot female gymnast. Just to see if it's possible.
3.) A fat bonus check.
4.) The adoration of gay america.
5.) A right handed power hitter.
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